A practical, step by step approach to writing a short culture guide with your team or family, drawing on appreciative inquiry and self determination research.
A culture guide is a short set of statements describing how a group wants to treat each other. It is different from a policy or a code of conduct. A policy tells people what they must not do. A culture guide describes what the group looks like at its best, in words everyone recognises.
The most important thing about a culture guide is who writes it. A guide handed down by a leader tends to be read once and forgotten. A guide written together tends to be quoted, remembered and used.
Why co creation works
Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s self determination theory, developed over several decades at the University of Rochester, proposes that people are most motivated when three needs are met: autonomy, competence and relatedness. Co creating a culture guide meets all three. People have a say in the standards they will be held to. They contribute from their own experience. And the process itself builds connection between them.
David Cooperrider, who developed appreciative inquiry at Case Western Reserve University with Diana Whitney, found that groups change most readily when they start by studying what already works, rather than diagnosing what is broken. Starting from success builds energy and makes the conversation less defensive.
Before you begin
Decide who should be involved. For a small team, that usually means everyone. For a family, it means everyone old enough to take part in a conversation, which can include children as young as six or seven.
Set aside time. I recommend three sessions of about an hour and a half each, a week apart. For families, three shorter conversations over three weekends work well.
Make it clear that the guide will be used. If people suspect it will be filed and forgotten, they will not engage honestly.
Session one: stories of our best
Ask everyone to think of a time when they were proud to be part of this team or family. Give them a few minutes, then invite each person to tell their story.
Listen for specific behaviours. In a team, you might hear: “When my father was ill, my manager told me to go home and said the team would cover my calls.” In a family, you might hear: “When I failed my driving test, everyone took me out for suya and nobody mentioned it.”
Write the behaviours down on large sheets of paper as people speak.
I know of a family in Harrow, three generations under one roof, who began this way. The grandmother told a story about the family pooling money to bring a cousin over from Lagos for university. The teenage grandson told a story about his parents coming to watch a play he was in, even though they had both worked night shifts. By the end of the evening, the family had a wall full of behaviours they were proud of.
Session two: turning stories into statements
Group the behaviours into themes, then write one short statement for each theme. Keep the language plain and concrete.
Avoid abstract virtues. “We are supportive” means very little. “When someone is struggling, we cover for them without being asked” means a great deal.
Aim for between six and ten statements. Any more and people will not remember them.
The family in Harrow ended up with seven, including “We show up for each other’s important moments, even when we are tired” and “We disagree at the table, not behind each other’s backs”.
Session three: what gets in the way
Read the statements aloud and ask two questions. What will make it hard for us to live these? What will each of us commit to?
This session is where a guide becomes honest. Obstacles might include workload, habits, a system that works against a value, or a person whose behaviour contradicts the guide. Naming them makes the guide credible, and it gives the group something to work on.
Each person then names one commitment, however small.
Making the guide last
Put it somewhere visible. On the office wall, on the fridge, at the start of every team meeting agenda.
Use it in real moments. When someone lives a statement well, name it. When a statement is broken, refer back to it calmly.
Review it regularly. Once a year for teams, and after major changes for families, such as a move, a new baby, or a child leaving home.
Let the people who wrote it lead the review. Ownership fades when a guide becomes the leader’s document.
A note on hierarchy
In some Nigerian organisations and families, respect for age and seniority is strong and valuable. It can also mean that younger or junior people hold back in shared conversations. I have found it helps to hold the first session in smaller groups by age or level, then bring everyone together to combine the results. The statements from younger groups are often the most honest.