Mentoring happens in organisations and families where it’s valued. Where it’s normalised. Where it’s built into how people show up.
It doesn’t happen by accident. It happens by design. By intention. By deliberate choice to invest in people’s development.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about places where mentoring thrives.
First, there’s permission. Older people are explicitly told that sharing wisdom is valued. That they’re wanted for what they know. That mentoring younger people is part of what they’re here to do. Without that permission, many older people hold back. They don’t want to seem like they’re trying to control or impose. They assume younger people don’t value their perspective. They stay quiet.
Second, there’s structure. There’s time allocated for mentoring conversations. There’s expectation that mentoring is part of how the organisation or family functions. Without structure, mentoring becomes an add-on that never quite happens. People mean to do it but never get to it. It gets crowded out by urgent tasks.
Third, there’s curiosity. The younger person approaches with genuine interest. Not just wanting information but wanting to understand how the older person thinks. How they became who they are. What their perspective is. Why they make the decisions they make. That genuine interest is what transforms mentoring from advice-giving to relational learning.
Fourth, there’s reciprocity. Both people bring something. Both people are changed. The older person isn’t just downloading wisdom. The younger person isn’t just receiving passively. They’re in genuine relationship where both are growing. Where both are teaching and learning. Where both are changed by the encounter.
Fifth, there’s consistency. Mentoring relationships build over time. They’re not one-time conversations. They’re ongoing. Regular. Reliable. That consistency is what creates the safety for real work to happen. For vulnerability. For the kind of honest conversation that leads to transformation.
I know of a Lagos family business where the founder decided to mentor the next generation intentionally. She set aside time each week for conversations. Not staff meetings where business was discussed. Real conversations. She asked genuine questions about their thinking. About what they were struggling with. About their dreams. She introduced them to people who expanded their perspective. She challenged them when they were playing small and supported them when they were reaching.
Over two years, the next generation transformed. Not because she told them what to do. But because she created the relational space for them to become capable. They developed confidence they didn’t have before. They made decisions more aligned with their values. They started to think like leaders instead of like followers taking instruction.
In a London non-profit, the leadership team made mentoring a core value. Experienced staff were expected to mentor newer staff. But not in a formal programme. Not with mentoring forms to fill out. In real relationships. In actual investment in the person’s becoming. In conversations that happened organically because people cared about each other’s development.
The retention improved dramatically. The culture shifted. People knew they were being invested in. People grew faster. People stayed because they felt valued. People developed differently because someone was committed to their growth.
If you want to build a mentoring culture, here’s what to do.
Name it as important. Tell people that mentoring matters in your family or organisation. That it’s a core value. That investing in people is not optional. That developing the next generation is everyone’s responsibility.
Create space. Allocate time. Make it possible for mentoring relationships to happen. Give people permission to prioritise these conversations. Protect this time from being crowded out by urgent tasks.
Model it. If you’re in leadership, mentor someone visibly. Show what it looks like. Let people see that you’re serious about it. Let them see what real mentoring looks like.
Ask for it. Invite experienced people to mentor. Be explicit about why it matters. Tell them what you’re hoping will happen. Tell them that their wisdom is valuable.
Make it relational. Don’t create formal programmes. Create space for relationships to develop. Real ones. Based on genuine interest and mutual respect. Based on real belief in each other’s capability and becoming. Let it be organic. Let it be human.
When you do this, something shifts. Mentoring becomes how the organisation or family operates. It becomes how people develop. It becomes how wisdom transfers. It becomes how people know they matter. (Deng & Turner, 2024; Keller et al., 2023).
Creating Mentoring Cultures in Organisations and Families
